What did you think of when the year changed?
Did you think of the weight you wanted to lose? Did you think of the girl you wanted to kiss? Did you think of something you always wanted to do but never dared to?
Did you think of someplace else?
When your friends sealed their resolutions with vodka and wine, did you count your money in your head? Did you wonder how far it would take you if you just left? Did you see it all in your head, your way to the airport with just a loose suitcase in hand, imaginary music beating the back of your head intensely?
If you can see it so clearly, why are you still here?
Not everybody wants to go. That is okay. It is their way. But you have felt like this for months now, for years maybe, maybe it has always been there locked away as you deny yourself happiness and freedom. Maybe others have got you convinced that the route that you march is what you’re supposed to do. Maybe you have yourself convinced, too.
But then you return to scratch that itch. As if just a little dream wouldn’t hurt. In a moment it envelopes you, it swallows you whole until there is nothing more left of you but the desire to go, go, go.
The first step is the hardest. You will be misunderstood. People will call you selfish. They will tell you there is nothing out there, nothing better than your feet in concrete and a baby on your arm. Some will encourage you until they realise that the world might take you, and then they will tell you about the danger of dreaming.
The danger of dreaming is that maybe you can have everything you have ever wanted, and maybe it will be so purifying that you never want to stop, or maybe it will disappoint you and make you think that all you ever dreamed of was in vain.
Both options are equally terrifying.
But that is the road. Terrifying, that is. Exhilerating, exciting, awe-inspiring. That much wonder will change you. That power is something to be afraid of. Once you are new, you will never be able to go back to the skin you already shed.
It is okay to be afraid. It is okay to be nervous. It is okay to doubt.
But it is not acceptable to let that stop you.
If you dare to go, if you dare to dream, you will be called brave. You will be brave because you decided to become the master of your own life and do what makes you happy. You will be brave because so, so many of us are scared to open our mouths and admit we want something else, something more, anything, everything. You will be brave because you will be out there, grabbing at things that are greater than you and that you can not fully understand quite yet. Discovering what true wildness can be is a daunting task.
You will need a good head on your shoulders. Four arrows pointing at different directions. And steady feet that will walk you through mud, snow and sand.
The first step is always the scariest, but I promise, if you just start walking, your feet will carry.
You will never be as ready to take on the world as you wish to. But that is the beauty of it; you learn as you go, and you grow beside yourself to be something bigger, something better, something braver.
Maybe you have excused yourself from travelling before. But you are starting to run out of excuses. If you need an excuse to go, instead, consider it a new year’s resolution. Maybe this should be the year of you.
The world will wait; but why should you? If the only thing stopping you is your own fear, why haven’t you made up your mind yet and gone? No one is going to come get you from your couch. What are you waiting for?
Are you waiting for a sign?
If so, this is it.
It is up to you now.